Ralph Nader 2012

Ralph Nader
&
XLIBERALFOOL
2012

This is breaking news. Last week I, XLIBERALFOOL, was informed that I had made the short list to be Ralph Nader's running mate for the 2012 presidential elections. Yep, that's right you heard it here, first! I was told Monday night that I was one of three candidates being seriously considered for the number two job. My first thought was that Ralph Nader does not stand a chance of becoming President. I then started looking into his background, and found that this will be Nader's 8th try for the White House. Experience has to count for something, plus I guess that I just figured that he is due. You know what they say "The eighth time is the charm.". Now, I know what you are thinking, a lefty and a righty running for president together, what-what-whaaat? Well, the liberals usually get almost 50% of the vote. The conservatives also get about 50% of the vote, so we can't loose. We will finally have an executive branch that represents nearly all of Americans!
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Well, jut in case you have not been following my blogsite, I will give you a quick over view of my stance on some international and domestic issues.
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1) Reparations:
Yes. I believe that the American League of Morons should pay reparations to XLIBERALFOOL & Friends. The A.L.M. has so severely decreased the average IQ of the nation that it has pushed XLIBERALFOOL & Friends into a minority group consisting of privileged intellectuals. Now, every time we say something intelligent, members of the A.L.M. get confused and say "dat not PC - Dat RACIST". We are not outcast, and we are not lepers. You have my word, that seeking reparations from the American League of Morons, will be my first priority!
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2) Public Schools:
Education is very important to me. What I see in the public schools is a severe lack of proper motivation. To curb this problem I purpose that if a child fails in school, then that child should be sent to work on labor farms for the entire summer break. In cases where a child refuses to work during the summer, he/she will be asked not to attend public school for the entire next school year.
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3) Illegal Immigration:
I propose that we make drugs legal, and hire the Mexican drug cartel to secure the borders. Next we should deport anyone who is not legally residing in the United States.. To address the potential shortage of labor on farms, please refer to issue #2 public schools.
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4) Israel / Palestine
It is my belief that the Lebanese, Israeli, and Palestinian territories should be turned over to the original inhabitants, the Phoenicians. The mosque on the Temple Mount should be torn down and replaced by a pyramid shaped, New Age Church of Meditation.
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5) Afghanistan / Iran:
Iran should be allowed to annex Afghanistan. In return, Iran will stop building thermo-nuclear weapons, and instead immediately dedicate the money to investigating ESP and paranormal activities.
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6) North Korea:
The U.S. will sign a pact promising not to attack North Korea. Kim Jung Il will have to attend weekly anger management sessions, where Dr. Phil will teach him to express his feelings in a more healthy manner.
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7) Poisonous toys made in China:
For every one hundred toys produced and exported by China, the Chinese Premier must lick one random toy before the other ninety nine can be shipped.

If you agree with me on these issues, then please vote Ralph Nader / XLIBERALFOOL in 2012!
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One week later...
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Last Wednesday, I was vetted by Ralph Nader himself. Being vetted is an interesting process. First, Ralph and I went to dinner. We did not talk about politics as much as you would think. Then we went back to his party headquarters and got down to business. Being vetted hurt at first, but then I started to enjoy it. Ralph asked me not to tell anyone about him vetting me. I guess he did not want the Republicans and Democrats to know who his running mate is. He told me that I was his double, secret weapon for the campaign in 2012.
All in all, be vetted is quite the difficult ordeal and very uncomfortable, but I think it will be worth it in the long run!
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Three weeks later...
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Ralph Nader just emailed a picture of our campaign sign! I have not seen it yet, but I am going to post it on this site. Take a look at it and let me what you think. I am very excited about running for Vice President!
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Aaaah SHIT... Is there such a thing as a Vice President of a school board?